loss

everyone experience's loss in their life. when someone of fame or notable importance dies we see extensive news coverage. each day people pass on from this life on to whatever is next. with the passing of sen. kennedy this week and michael jackson in recent weeks, loss has been the dominant theme of news coverage. if you have not experienced loss you are one of the lucky few. i cannot count myself one of the lucky. i have lost people in my life that were extremely close to me but one in particular changed my life forever. when i was 14 my grandfather passed away, he was the the main role model in my life. he was that paternal figure in my life. i spent summers fishing in creeks, building things in his workshop, growing things in the garden. it was a man teaching the life lessons he learned growing up to his grandson. when he passed it created a void that now, almost 10 years later has yet to be filled. this summer i got my first tattoo. it's on my ankle and says grandpa in hebrew. i always said i would never get a tattoo because i would get bored with whatever it was and regret having it on my body forever. one day i realized that the only thing that i would never regret is a tribute to the greatest man i've ever known.

last summer when my father passed away i found a poem that rang so true. that we may miss those that are gone so much it can make our heart truly ache we must take light in what is left behind. the memories in our hearts the precious photos and keepsakes. the love that was shared. i know that the most treasured things i own are those that link to my papaw, as i called him. i still miss him everyday when i look at his photo on my dresser. but i remember all the things he left behind.

"What through the radiance that was once so bright, be now forever taken from my sight. Though nothing can break back the hour of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower; we will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind." -William Wordsworth

out of town on business

so for the past week and half i have been out of town for work (still have another week before i go home). if any of you have ever had to go out of town for work, you know the fun of eating alone at restaurants and hanging out at your hotel alone in the evening (that's sarcasm if you didn't catch it). for those of you who know me, i hate eating alone at restaurants, it's one of those inner issues that just bugs me a lot. most of it's probably in my head, i think it's a mental complex, because i feel everyone notices that person eating alone. i guess it's because i am an extremely observant person and i notice the person eating alone. plus i have this stupid game i play in my head of giving each person a back story of my own creation. needless to say i have a creative imagination. since i play this mental game of creating a story for people, it gives me a complex thinking that other people do it too. which i highly doubt they do. so this week i have challenged myself to go out and eat alone and not let my internal "freak outs" win. so this week i have gone out 3 times to different restaurants. it's not been to bad. most of the time i have sat in the bar where you can watch the tv's and other people are eating alone as well. one evening i went out and sat at an actual table. the server approached and asked if i was eating alone, to which i replied, "yes, i'm in town for work" i have also had this need to let people know why i'm alone. again part of that internal struggle of doing things alone. so the waitress goes into her routine and so forth. the next time she comes over she says, "by the way, i think it's very sophisticated to eat alone. you never know you may lock eyes with some lucky lady who is also eating alone!" to which i replied, "ohh wouldn't that be nice." for those who know me, you are laughing because locking eyes with some lucky lady is not my idea of a great friday night, to put it in simple terms! but it was extremely nice of the server and she was an amazing waitress. for those of you who are wondering the only lucky lady i met that night was my server, she was lucky because i gave her a really big tip because she made my night much more enjoyable!

so the joys of conquering fears! it's been a fear conquering year for me. i picked up and moved across the country within 4 days in february, taking more risks in my personal life and putting myself out there, eating alone...it's my growth year i think! in the next few months i will be conquering my next fear. moving to a new town where i know no one. i relocated once this year and i will be doing it again in a few months. this time i will not know anyone. pray for me....i don't always deal well with change! have you guys conquered any fears lately?

on a side note, i have had a ton of time to listen to the radio on this trip, the 5 hour car ride here, driving back and fourth to my hotel everyday. every time i'm on the road, which is quite a bit this year because i'm traveling so much for work, i hear my favorite radio personality. her name is simply delilah! if you have never tuned into delilah i highly recommend you do. she has a nightly syndicated radio show of love and loss. callers call in and share stories of love, both current and past. on one particular segment a caller shared a story of her and her best gal friends and how much she missed them because they were spread across the country. this really struck home with me. my best "gal" friends are not all gals but none of them would mind me putting them into that category, so for all my best gal pals who i miss and love dearly across the country this one's for you...


"I come home in the morning light, my mother says when ya gonna live your life right, oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones, and GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN...OH GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN!"

dive bars

all towns have that dirty bar somewhere with a band in the corner and a person behind the bar who doesnt know how to make drinks because just last week they were probably working as a walmart greeter!

the boys and i found our new dive bar this week. its a little bar right in the middle of town attached to a pizza place, with really good pizza! the bar was kind of like a mom and pop pub meets central perk from friends. the bar had this really cool area over in the corner across from the band. it was sort of a little room built with old doors. like i said dive bar. in the area was a cool leather couch and two chairs with murals on them.

we sat and listened to the band, a group of 3 guys who played cover songs of the 60's, 70's and 80's. we were drinking and dancing in our own little world of the bar. we met a group of 4 women that were all best friends from college. they were all in town on vacation and were out for a girls night. if anyone knows me, they know i love to flirt with older women....love me some cougars! heath and i wanted to get to know the ladies so we went up and started talking. wish i could do that with someone i liked, why is it that i can talk to a 40 year old cougars but not to someone i liked...mystery of life!

its always fun when you find a new place to hang out and dance and sing and be stupid. of course like any good night we needed proof. i think it was just a reason for heath to use his cool purple camera. so like all good models, will and i were ready for our close up!

so tell me about your favorite dive bar....

meet mr swango

well hello, i will start by introducing myself, i'm swango. i am 24 and live in paradise. i am starting this blog b/c i want to stay connected with world.

i am originally from the good ole midwest! indiana to be exact. i moved across the country six months ago for work, so needless to say the paradise i refer to is not in indiana. when i moved several months ago, i had no idea what it would lead or if i was making the right decision but i did it anyway. so far so good. i have met some amazing new friends, love my job most days, and still keep in contact with the ones i left in dear old indiana and beyond! its hard to think of myself as grown, some days i have to pinch myself to realize i'm not just some kid daydreaming of what's to come.

so who am i? to tell you the truth i don't really know yet, but i think i'm learning more and more about who swango is each day. that's exciting to me, some may say i should have it figured out...well i don't...and i'm okay with that. i am a college graduate (public relations and journalism) who is not using his degree and for today is okay with that too. i work for a company which is amazing. i love my new friends and getting to spend time with them is usually the highlight of my week. i also treasure and love my old friends, from childhood and college, these are the people who shaped my life as of now and that's pretty darn important to me. some people you may hear me mention, amanda (my bff of 15 years) stacey (the "intense" one) john (practically my brother) tanesha (my booboo) heath, will, john, stephen (the boys). these are just a few of the people you may read about if you choose to read on...which i hope you do.

well for now all i have to say is...it's nice to meet you i'm swango!